I was recently asked to contribute a piece to an online forum ‘ForMums’ – a cracking ‘one-stop shop’ website for mums of Chiswick, Ealing and Fulham.
Trying to rekindle your PB (Pre Baby) relationship and sex life is likely to require some work. I wanted to offer some top tips for things you could try at home. This article isn’t live yet, but the website is here. (Please drop me an email if you’d like to see the full article).
PRACTICAL TOP TIPS YOU CAN TRY FOR YOURSELF
Diary Management – This sounds completely clinical, but couple time should be booked into your diary. Book in the next months worth of ‘dates’ into the diary. Try once per week and these can only be cancelled incase of emergency. If your first response to this is ‘Yes, but ….’ – there is a solution to everything you oppose – someone can babysit, with the feed with a bottle, the date can be a walk – so not expensive. At worst case scenario, this is take out around the kitchen table – but with a bit of make up and out of the trackie bums.
No TV dinners – I know you’re exhausted, and just want to zone out, but if you’re both at home, try to engage with one another. And try a night when you do not talk about the children.
Figure out what you want – Many mums want to be thanked, to be told that their partner loves them or simply want a hug without anything else being demanded. If you’re not talking about this, your partner will not know. Remember this is about telling them what you need, not what they are not doing for you – try using “I’d love it if …”
Ask your partner how they’re finding being a parent – Very often mums are so focused on their child (rightly so) that they forget about their other half. The other half feels very left out. Long term a child will have a better home life if their parents remain as a ‘unit’, not two separate individuals. This allows more open communication and honesty, and may allow you opportunity to say what’s going on for you too.
Back to Basics – Try sitting cross legged in front of your partner, naked, and stroke their face and hair. Look into each others eyes without speaking for a minute or so and then tell them something that you love about them. Hug naked for 10 minutes with one sitting behind the other. This is about increasing intimacy, so even if you’re feeling asexual it should have a positive impact. It can be strange at first, but after a few weeks you’ll stop giggling! If you’re happy with this, you’re more likely to get it on when you’re ready. Many couples love the board game ‘Nookii’ as a next step up from there.