Whatever stage you are at in your relationship things may not be as you want them to be.
You may be single and struggling to get into or maintain a relationship in the way that you’d like to. Maybe you’ve been single a while, or just ended a relationship and want help re-grouping. You may be trying to figure out if your current relationship is giving you what you want and if you should leave. You may be part of a relationship and want to figure out why things have changed between you over the years – whether you are recently together, or you’re at your ruby anniversary. I help you look at common pressure points in your relationship and why you both may respond in the way you do, to help you have deeper understanding of yourself, and your partner, aswell as coach you to communicate in a different way going forward.
For me this is about helping you develop relational mindfulness and relational intelligence. Yes, Esther Perel and Terry Real use this language, but the concept has been around a while now! Although my website talks about sex in the title, over the years, I’ve realised how important a skill this is for altering an ongoing relational dynamic. Often people have been reccommended by friends to get in touch with me and will say “but your website is just about sex” – I’m hoping this makes it clear that I really enjoy this work. I’m happy to chat more before you book in.
Many schools of thought / trainings look at this – Transactional analysis, Imago Therapy or Unconscious fit/ psychodynamic/ Relational Life to name a few, so I train in many to see if there is something new. But it is also important to look at the ‘how’ this is delivered.
In couples work I’m more of a directive therapist, with my ‘client’ being the space between the two of you – I’m influenced by Esther Perel, transpersonal and unconscious fit work. Overall, when I work relationally (1:1 or 1:2) I try to work in an embodied way, using somatic techniques – Hakomi and somatic experiencing are my main influences. I find there are often developmental factors at play, so I am trauma trained and an highly trauma informed. Humour, safety and warmth are often things people say they will remember when they finish work with me.
Unless you’re asexual, it’s likely those dynamics will influence your erotic life too, so there’s duplication of these two pages.
Please be aware that if this is part of ‘marriage counselling’, I will not provide court reports as part of a mediation process.
Common Presenting Symptoms or Issues in Relationship Therapy
For many people the following may not mean anything bad for you or your relationship, but if you are struggling then I may be able to help facilitate some space to communicate, or provide a different perspective on things, or why it might be going on.
- Sexual Focus – things may just not be as you’d both like them to be
- Your own relationship history and repeating patterns causing difficulties in the present day. Do you do things that stop you being in the relationship you really want?
- Difficulty getting into or maintaining relationships – friendships or more.
- Struggling to take responsibility for your side of ‘stuff’ in a relationship
- Curiosity about you relationship with yourself – who am I , who do I take into relationships?
- Recent or chronic medical diagnosis. Perhaps changing roles and dynamics or the impact of this on bodies and lives together.
- Life stage changes – lost a job, death of a close person, where life gets in the way of a relationship
- Just not getting on as well as we did and want it to be different
. C-PTSD including Boarding school survival syndrome