There are a lot of sex counsellors or relationship therapists out there and picking the right one for you is an important part of the process. Some of us have been doing this over a decade, others have done a short course as an extra string to their bow. This is all I do.
If you want someone honest, transparent and open-minded yet professional and a specialist in the field, then I might be the counsellor for you. I’m pretty down to earth, use humour where appropriate, but can also be in a deep dark place – depending on where you need to go.
If you would prefer a counsellor who will consistently sit quietly for hours while you recline on a chaise longue and stare at the ceiling, then we might not be the best match. On the flip side, clients may want me to ‘fix’ their ‘problem’ by ‘doing to’ them. It’s likely to be work somewhere in the middle there – some analysis and reflection combined with equipping you with tools to be able to be where you want to be. It’s difficult to get my personality across in a website, so I offer a free 10 minute phone call to help your decision making process.
In couples work I’m more of a directive therapist- I’m influenced by Esther Perel, transpersonal and unconscious fit work.
I try to work in an embodied way, using somatic techniques – Hakomi and somatic experiencing are key influences. I find there are often developmental factors at play, so I am trauma trained and am highly trauma informed particularly in C-PTSD – where there has been a drip feed of a feeling of being ‘unsafe’. Boarding School environments as well as a home life can often have felt unsafe . A solid understanding of the Vagus Nerve and Polyvagal theory is at the core of any model or technique I use. Humour, safety and warmth are often things people say they will remember when they finish work with me.
You can get in touch through email or phone and we can book it into the diary, or if you’d prefer we can find a time over text message. My number is 07903 681853 and email is Clare @ sexualhealinguk. com (no spaces, just trying to fool spambots). It can be helpful to read this page to manage contact expectations.
My goal is to help you understand what’s going on and facilitate you making the changes you want to make. To achieve that I work integratively using different counselling techniques and theories. There is no set starting and stopping place – it will depend on you, what work you have done before, and how you find changing. Some sessions will be faster paced and coaching focused, others more thought provoking. At some stage in the work, you are likely to have behavioural work to try between sessions, so you’ll need to make some time for that in your life when that comes. This will depend on who you are, what you respond to and how far along we are in the therapeutic process. Although I’m invested in you, I’m not invested in a certain outcome – which means you lead and decide when and if you’ll make changes, and you’re not ‘locked in’ to a package or sessions, unless we contract that together.
My strengths as a practitioner are working holistically with any relational dynamic or presenting sexual difficulty or issue, (often known in the medical world as a ‘sexual dysfunction,)’. I find that at the heart of my work is the relationship with yourself – whether we are working on you getting into a relationship, managing in a longer term relationship or working through sexual or relational trauma .
What to expect from a sex therapy or relationship counselling session?
I offer my clients a relaxing space where they can talk as much or as little as they like. Sex and relationship difficulties are more common than you might think. My approach is designed to encourage a dialogue. We may look at recent events or past relationships, new couple communication techniques or feeding back on any exercises I may have given you to try at home.
How Long Is a Session of Sex Therapy or Relationship Therapy?
Most commonly the length of ongoing sessions are 75 (1:1) or 120 (1:2) minutes. We will have an initial session (likely 90 minutes) before we agree to work together, and we will get an idea of how it might be best to work. Most people work weekly, but the total number of sessions can vary. There’s no definitive answer to that one, but I’m happy to chat about whether this is a short term or longer term work after your initial session and we will review with you as we progress. Some people want to do intensive work over a shorter period of time / have a certain budget to work with. I try to be creative to what you need. Let’s start the conversation.
Do You Work With Singles or People in a Relationship?
Whether you are single or in a relationship, you can attend on your own. However, if you are in a relationship it can be valuable to attend together, even if you feel only one of you is ‘the problem’.
Will I have to Take My Clothes Off During Sex Therapy?
No. Any ‘practical’ explorations take place outside of our time together.
Do you work online?
Yes, I do!