I believe that when there is no medical reason for sexual organs not to be working properly, there is an underlying reason for it. It’s like an electric circuit – if all the bits aren’t connected, it’s not going to work properly. Some examples or reasons for that disconnection could be:
- You are wary of getting emotionally close to someone again after being hurt in a past relationship, but this shows itself in your vagina not lubricating properly and causing painful sex (dysperunia). This can very often be intertwined with vaginismus. It can also be experienced as analismus.
- Your partner has recently had an affair, you may be angry, and this shows itself in not being able to get an erection when you want (Erectile Dysfunction or ED)
- Your partner wants to have a child naturally but you do not and this shows itself in delayed ejaculatation or rapid ejaculation
- You may have recently had surgery, or your body has undergone a physical change. One thing that makes you feel better is having sex – but your desire is more than your partners’
- You may be depressed, grieving, have a fear of intimacy, arguing with a family member or anything that means you’re just not interested in sex. Some people call this low desire/ loosing libido.
These are all quite direct conclusions to be drawn. It may be that simple – it may not. Through counselling I’ll aim to help you figure out what that reason is, and if you’re ready to, help you try to remove that barrier. I work holistically and to help you discover or unearth strong foundations to your sexuality.
It may be that there are medical or non psychosexual reasons for things not working out in the nookie department that cannot be changed. In this case we’ll aim to work around this, build self esteem and confidence, knowledge and help you explore what might work for you in the future. Finding a new sexual/intimate repertoire with a partner can be daunting but also great fun.
Common Presenting Symptoms or Issues in Sex Therapy
It may be that some of the issues listed below are relevant to you, but they are not a problem for you in life, or with your partner(s). If that is the case you probably do not need to be seeing me! It’s when these things are a problem for you, or your partner(s) that you may be looking for help. It maybe this happens all the time, or just with a particular partner. If you’re unsure we can have a chat for 10 minutes before you even book in a ‘Discovery Session’ with me.
If you have a Vagina….
- Dysperunia (painful sex)
- Lack of lubrication
- Vaginismus (difficulty experiencing vaginal penetrative play)
- Non Arousal
If you have a Penis …..
- Rapid ejaculalation (ejaculating quicker than you’d like)
- Retrograde ejaculation (when ejaculate goes backwards into the bladder)
- Delayed ejaculation (when it takes you longer than you’d like to ejaculate)
- Lack of erections when you want them
- Low desire or low libido
- Fear of intimacy
- Sexual assault or abuse
- Feeling like you are addicted to sex, including porn and masturbation
- Fertility Problems, miscarriages, terminations
- Physical and mental abuse
- Anorgasmia (inability to orgasm)
- Medical conditions that are effecting sexual function (such as Cancer, Diabetes, Heart Problems or HIV)
- The post-natal phase – adjusting to post baby bodies and family dynamics
- Insecure attachments
- Impact of religion
- Virginity or celibacy
- Body dysmorphia (excessive unhappiness with your body)
- Analismus (difficulty experiencing penetrative anal play)